Apparently we don’t post enough. No, I am not speaking of myself in the third person. Again. I am merely reiterating what the god of loquacious quackery has deemed an important announcement. And, Ladies and Gentleman*, if he spake it, it be so. So, without further ado…
“One time I was sleeping and I awoke to find…”
…that my parents thought is would be sweet to get me a kitten, and place it on my bed as I slept. Only they didn’t take into account that having never had an animal in the house, I would probably not react well to something rather heavy, harry, and with razor like claws climbing up my leg as I slept.
Needless to say, after his run in with the hallway wall across from my bedroom door, Cesar never tried to cop a feel in the middle of the night ever again.
the end.
*I’m sure there’s at least one out there… somewhere.
In defense of the cat…sometimes it’s worth being slammed against a wall for a small feel. lol
This coming from the man with the “oh my gods! do something! they’re attacking me!” response to the mommy/daughter pair on his birthday?
FOR SHAME! 
I’d try to pretend to be a gentleman, but you’d see right through that, and I don’t think you like it gentle to begin with.
Also, that cat made a rookie mistake by letting you wake up. Um, duh – they invented ether for a reason.
My ex ray eyes would be able to see past your carefully crafted front of sweats, beer stains, greasy hair, and yesterday’s stubble to see the real slob that is your oh-so-ungentlemanly self. And I am a very gentile lady, and I have no idea why you would imply otherwise.