I have a bed post as well…and my own set of handcuffs…should I just stop there?

Damnit, Dell! My prurient fantasies should not involve the bedroom antics of my brother’s girlfriend! EUCH!

(Unless she wants to pass on the FedEx hottie. I’d make it so he forgets that there is a world, let alone getting there on time!)

What can I say? I’s virginian, after-all! That’s a thin line you draw, sir. A drunken father with a shotgun full of bird shot… OUCH. He doesn’t need to aim, just to point in your general direction.

Still, who can afford bedposts?

My mother bought me my bed when I got my first place up here after college. My father wasn’t all that thrilled with the wrought iron headboard, and couldn’t find a way to tell her it wasn’t a good idea without offending her delicate sensibilities. He did, however, tell me that he spray painted it, and if there was so much as a scrap of paint missing the next time he came to visit, he’s invoke the privileges ‘pater familias’ and kill me publicly.

Needless to say, my roommates are probably both wondering why there are so many kinds of black spray paint in the basement.

The main reasons to like a man in uniform: you know they have a job, and you know you’re smarter than they are.

Ok… I had to edit my edit. You’re right. I might be smarter, but chances are, they’re making more money than me. And since I’m smart, I’ll stick with my fantasies of better-off-than-I-am-uniformed-men. And I’d probably look at you weird if you tried to tie me to your bedpost with a donut. Especially since you’d get distracted with licking the glaze off your own fingers, and muttering about how much better it would have been if soaked in a good whiskey first.

(My teeth just turned yellow and I sported a union jack cravat!)

Men in uniform are pieces of art, there to be appreciated and observed in all their natural beauty. Even MOUNTIES. They almost offset the idea of eating tarantulas!

OOOOOO Mounties. The name just makes them want to be my naughty naughty boys…

Oh God. Crunchy… and sweet. And fried. wWth 8 leggggggggs. Oh god. I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.